The Axis of a Wallflower

Anonymous

Is it you, my father?

My mother? The fool I gave my heart to?

Who didn’t love me right?

I blamed you

All the ways I couldn’t amount

I’ve looked for you

Every boy I meet

Fixed myself with a replica.

Aren’t you proud of me?

Bled him because he looks like you

Acts like you

He disappoints me just as much.

It stains red

My vision, my life

Blinded by hate and utter distaste.

A crescent moon with a handle,

Reaping up my heart.

Hammer in your hand

What are you doing daddy?

A damaged girl can’t be fixed with damaged men.

They’re emotionally in-articulated

So am I.

Damage control

I stopped the bleeding

You ceased to exist.

For a little while.

Like a scar from a childhood memory

You were never there to begin with.

A synthetic land of plenty

To survive your skeleton in my closet

I could throw it away

Big, ugly wooden box tainted with you,

Your ghost

The stinks of utter disappointment,

The remains of my sanity.

Easy.

Too easy, and you were never known to be easy daddy

I drowned out your cries 

Albinoni’s adagio

Until all I could hear,

See,

And feel

Was peace.

I am free

A real land of plenty.